The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
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(Happy 32nd Miss Rachel Jones!)

7:00 NEWSBEAT 1. The Feeling - Fill My Little World, 2. Eminem - Without Me, 3. Mary J Blige & U2 - One 7:30 NEWSBEAT 4. The Streets - When You Wasn't Famous, 5. Arctic Monkeys - (I Bet You) Look Good On The Dancefloor 8:00 NEWSBEAT 6. Joey Negro - Make A Move On Me, 7. Phantom Planet - California, 8. Jamie Foxx feat. Ludacris - Unpredictable 8:30 NEWSBEAT 9. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy, 10. Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face, 11. Meck feat. Leo Sayer - Thunder In My Heart Again, 12. Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl (Tedious Link), 13. Orson - No Tomorrow, 14. BeatFreakz - Somebody's Watching Me (Hi_Tack Edit), 15. KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See 9:30 NEWSBEAT 16. Kanye West feat. Lupe Fiasco - Touch The Sky, 17. Mish Mash - Speechless

So today may have been the big day for Rachel (she’s 32 today... shhh), but there wasn’t much of a fuss about it on the show this morning. Chris actually forgot it was her birthday altogether, and Dave and Dom bumped into each other in the Late Shop at 5:30 am, both buying her a birthday card. An unlikely location for a Guess Who, but Dom saw Mani from Primal Scream (and ex of Stone Roses) in there getting some fags after Dave had left. Mr Mani himself is also now a radio deejay by the way, on 96.2 The Revolution in Oldham/Rochdale/the general Greater Manchester area, round me. Still no Clint Boon though. Aled was back on the show this morning after his brief stint off ill. He was back looking tanned with some duty free though, so the rumours are circling as we speak. Al had got Rachel a nice birthday present.. although granted it was sent in free and not actually purchased by him himself. It was a karaoke set to go into a generic games console, although Rach declined Chris’s invitation to test it out live on the air - and duet with Dave for a bit of Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes. Some might say she was being a bit of a spoilsport and not playing along with the show, which is probably one of the criticisms that can certainly be labelled at her compared to Greyhead, who was always up for a bit of a laugh - no matter how embarrassing. Chris said he hadn’t got Rach a gift because she never used what he got her and was an ungrateful cow. She said she'd got him a nice Terry Wogan autobiography for his birthday, to give him inspiration for his own book (due out in October by the way kids. Hmm, I wonder if Dave will read it and make it four books he’s read in his lifetime?). Chris said yeah, but Rach had spilt wine on the cover and vandalised it - by drawing a tash and glasses on Wogan etc.

Aled - Hey, you wait til Noel Edmonds book comes through..
(all laugh)

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(The legend that is).

So then if you haven’t seen the main page of this site, the red tops or Q magazine - you won’t know that Noel Edmonds has been taking a swipe at the show again. Chris and Noel seem to have had a bit of a love/hate relationship these last few years. In 1998 I remember Noel being a guest on the show on the phone (in fact check the current 1 From The Archive download on the main page - it might be in there) and them getting on really well. Then of course he labelled Dave a “cretin” and turned against the show, culminating in his refusal three years ago to guest on it while undergoing a short stint presenting Drivetime on Radio 2. Chris slated him at the time, but recently has turned back in favour of him following “Deal Or No Deal”. I just think Edmonds is a legend full stop. Deal Or No Deal is one hell of a TV show, no doubt about it. However now Edmonds is bad mouthing Moyles, saying he’s “coarse and offensive”, despite being “clearly talented”. He has a point about the coarse bit I suppose, but I can’t really criticse Edmonds due to him being a god (and all that).

Chris - Coarse and offensive? ..
*burps loudly*
Chris - .. that is rubbish

Rach said she had better scrap that bid for Noel Edmonds then. Hmm, might be an idea methinks. Chris seemed to take the news quite well* considering - he had even got Noel his own “good morning” jingle too:

[plays “good morning - Noel Edmonds!” jingle]
Chris - Good morning Noel.. thanks for your kind words
(laughs)

*Ok I lied, Chris did throw the obligatory insults in there, saying Noel screwed up his Radio 2 comeback by doing the same old stuff he was doing in the 70’s on Radio 1 - with stupid place names like Crinkleybottom and “dangly balls”. Moyles said Edmonds lived in the village of “tiny penis”. This link was quite amusing - my favourite factoid to emerge being that Dave’s mum lives near a village called “Bell End”. Nice.

JOEL CLIPS AND SONY NOMINATIONS:
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As we expected, more classic Joel clips on the show today - featuring Joel off of JK and Joel on local radio in Yorkshire when he was 16. YCR to be exact. That’s “Yorkshire Coast Radio” to you and me, not “you’re crap radio” as JK suggested it might have been. Today’s gems including Joel saying “bell me and tell me”, when trying to get callers for a PJ and Duncan competition, him screwing up the weather forecast - and him playing a record from 1989 (Crowded House) on his “Nothing But The 90’s” show. One of his jingles even went “Joel Ross - The coolest DJ in... Yorkshire”. Dom, and especially Dave, wet themselves at this, saying he wasn’t even the coolest DJ in Scarborough. As I suggested they should yesterday though, JK and Joel managed to get hold of that clip of Chris on Radio Luxembourg in 1992, aged 18. It’s this one from our Sound Vault, and they played it out at 6.55am. JK said Chris’s camp “hello” sounded very Little Britain “I’m a lady!” esque, and asked what the “fun and frolics” he was referring to in the clip, over the Slade intro, was all about:

Chris - Can I just say, I was on Radio Luxembourg!.. Where were you Joel?
(pause)
Joel - er.. Scarborough
Chris - There’s a difference! Even then at such an early age
Dom - I love those boys from Slade!..
(JK, Joel and Dave laugh)

Chris laughed at how similar him and Joel actually sounded, but warned Dave and JK to be careful - the tapes were flying around this week:

Dave - They got destroyed in the fire I told you!
Chris (laughs) - Yeah, the great fire of 92!
(both laugh)
Dave - By the way Joel, if you find any more tapes.. bell me and tell me!
(all laugh)

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(More classic Moyles moments in the chrismoyles.net Sound Vault here)
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Now, again if you’ve been reading the homepage of this place since last night, you’ll know the show has actually been nominated for a Sony Radio Award. Through some kind of clerical error clearly. Chris is up for “The Best Entertainment” award in May, where he will battle it out against those no marks Danny Baker, Chris Evans and Jonathan Ross:

Dave - Jonathan who?
Chris - Jonathan Ross..
Dave - Ross? Right..

The other nominee is Ugly Phil from Kerrang! Radio 105.2, who Chris apparently called an “ugly *” at another recent awards do. Not the best of pals evidently. Chris wasn’t surprised the local cheese had won out in the “best breakfast show” category, where the nominees were all from tinpot commercial channels, bar the Today programme from Radio 4. An odd choice amongst the others, as this year speech and music shows were mixed together instead of being in separate categories. Chris said the show should have been a dead cert to be nominated in that case, as it does both speech AND music...

Dave - Well we’re more speech than music really..
(laughs)

Also nominated for best breakfast show is Wes @ Breakfast on Galaxy 102, which is the show presented by ex Radio 1 chart DJ Wes Butters here in Manchester. I haven’t heard it as Galaxy is pants - and the show only started a few months ago (for most of which I’ve been in Nottingham at uni). Chris said that was odd too - the show started in November, the tapes had to be in by December and yet it still got a nomination. When he’d been doing the breakfast show for two and a half fecking years without one. In the other categories, Radio 1 fared slightly better - they’re up for ten in total. That includes Westwood and Zane versus Suzi Quatro for “Music Broadcaster Of The Year” and two for Scott Mills, including “The Interactive Programme Award”. Chris said you don’t get much more interactive than giving a listener the chance to sleep with someone on your show do you. There was though one glaring omission from the lists announced last night - that of Dominic Byrne from the “News Journalist Of The Year” category. Dom said it wasn’t entirely unexpected news...

Dave - You were described yesterday on the text as the BBC’s dumbest journalist..
Dom - I know.. after the pub quiz.


ONE NIGHT WITH LAURA UPDATE:
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Mills was on the phone after 7:30 to talk Laura stuff. He said he was pleased with his nominations (he certainly deserves them), but was a bit peeved at Wes’s inclusion. He also kind of implied all his features are rip offs of his and Chris’s anyway. Ooh. Touché. Scott said the auditions in Cardiff got a bit X-Factor last night when some of the contestants were really gutted that they didn’t get through to the next round, thus temporarily preventing the judges from leaving the room. In fact Scott said he even got called a knobhead by some people at the bar. Happy chappy Chappers is so lar-dee-da that he had his own TV set up on the panel so he could watch the Arsenal - Juve game at the same time as judging.

Dom - Imagine Simon Cowell watching the Six Nations..
(all laugh)

Mills is on today at 4 from Nottingham (ignore the reputation - it’s a great city). The route to there from Cardiff today travel fans is as follows: A4161, A48, M4, A40, M5, M42, M1, A52, with arrival estimated around midday. Chris was ONLINE checking out the pics, videos etc and even spotted a pic from yesterday where it looked like Scott was interviewing the aforementioned Wes Butters:

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Chris said regarding the whole One Night With Laura thing, how is Scott getting away with sitting in a room every night and judging men for hours upon end. Chris said why doesn’t the breakfast show run a similar competition for Aled, and just judge women.

Chris - What do you think? I think it’s got legs.. well lets hope so
Dave - Yeah, two of them..
Chris - Otherwise she’ll fall over
(Chris, Dave and Dom laugh)

- The Mills Fansite Is Here: http://www.themillsfansite.com

A LONG LIST OF OTHER CRAP ON THE SHOW TODAY:

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*A bit of classical class that the BBC used as their France 98 World Cup theme music. Dave thinks it may have been on before Z Cars at his wedding too.

*Dom discovering yet another impression to add to his evergrowing list. It’s that of Father Dougal. So make that Jim Brennan, Ronnie Corbett and Father Dougal then.

*The return of 808 State at 8:08. Not missed that “gag”.

*Mike from Plymouth, now living in Stoke, guessing wrong with “Carrie” as his answer on todays Celebrity Tarzan. Mike is studying physiotherapy at uni. Dave asked him what he wanted to be when he finished. He replied “a physiotherapist”. Genius.

*There was a new Celebrity Timecheck at 8:20 from Christian Slater, again courtesy of Natalie Jameson.

*Dave said his sister, who he saw on Monday for the first time since June, has developed a bit of an Aussie twang while living down under. Cue crap impressions from Vitty which sounded more alike to Frankie Howard, then Kenneth Williams. Dom’s generic Aussie accent was good, so make that four impressions now.

*Chris saying he thinks Sharon Stone looks good for pushing 50.

*A bearded builder orbitally sanding next door during two different links.

*Aled revealing he is getting his teeth whitened for the WawFfactor final on Friday.

*Chris doing impressions of his camp electrician.

*Spotted: In The Daily Star’s Goss: Chris Moyles “strutting his funky stuff” at Viva Cuba in Leeds. Chris said he hasn’t been to Leeds this year. More great journalism from The Star, following on from Joe “I am skill” Mott congratulating Embrace on getting to number one on Monday.. when actually they are number two.

*and... Chris scrolling through the jingle pages, through reams of classic breakfast show clips - including the puffin, the seal, Paltrow, “bellas rodas”, the PM doing Buzz Off, the legendary Britney “she can stick her film up her arse” montage and Gerald *we’ll soon be slightly higher* Krasner.

- Also Derren Brown was a guest with Jo Whiley again today. I don’t understand why they never get him for the breakast show. He is great entertainment.

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(Derren with Jo today)

ONE ROAD TRAVEL: WITH THE FABULOUS DOMINIC BYRNE
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Today’s one road traveller was Sammy Hodge, who lives on Mwrwg Road in Llanelli. (Note the lack of vowels there). She’s an estate agent. Great. Dom also did a terrible mods/ministry of defence joke, which was hardly target. The pot calling the kettle black here though:

Dave - Dom, do you not think some of your reference points are slightly outdated?
(Dom laughs)

BEEP BEEP BUSTERS:
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Roy: We found out today that Chris is one of Roy’s favourite DJ’s on Radio 1. Along with Jo Whiley, Annie Mac, Coxy, Edith and well, basically all the other female disc jockeys on the station.

Today’s Score:
SIAN who’s going to be in the audience at the new Paul O’Grady Show today 3
KEV who works for BT in Biggleswade 0

Answers (A walkover today):- Mac, Dalmation, Puff
Kev Wins:- A Beep Beep Busters Bath towel!

Golden Round: Sian On The G-Spot
AW - Arsene Wenger
PD - Pete Doherty
BJ - Bon Jovi
RW - Robbie Williams
RACHEL - Rachel

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Show Returns: Tomorrow at 7am

Backstage Gossip: Chris has received an undelivered parcel note from the Royal Mail, so he’ll be picking it up today, and bet your bottom dollar - it will be an exciting surprise. Dave will be finding his passport and doing some guff to do with mortgages. Carrie is gonna be seeing her osteopath and shopping for a friend. Dom will be having lunch with his in laws and then sleeping. Aled is having his teeth whitened and Rachel is out with her mates today... because its her birthday! Hurrah.

Tomorrows Review: Late afternoon-ish.

Harry Ramsdens people.

Thanks, didn't spot that, show is up

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