The TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
(Joel, the star of today’s show.. see below.)
7:00 NEWSBEAT 1. Outkast - Hey Ya!, 2. Orson - No Tomorrow, 3. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy, 4. Oasis - The Importance Of Being Idle 7:30 NEWSBEAT 5. Kanye West feat. Lupe Fiasco - Touch The Sky, 6. Shapeshifters - Incredible, 7. The Feeling - Fill My Little World 8:00 NEWSBEAT 8. Sugababes - Freak Like Me, 9. Embrace - Nature’s Law 8:30 NEWSBEAT 10. Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For, 11. Ne*Yo - So Sick, 12. Charlotte Church - Crazy Chick, 13. Notorious B.I.G - Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems (Tedious Link), 14. Arctic Monkeys - The View From The Afternoon, 15. Pink - Stupid Girls 9:30 NEWSBEAT 16. The Kooks - Naive, 17. Basement Jaxx - Oh My Gosh

Pop a doodle do people. We took a trip to the world of cheesy local radio this morning, as Moyles began the show with a series of clips of Joel (from Early Breakfast) on “Yorkshire Coast Radio” in Scarborough when he was 16. He was asking callers to name their favourite local radio station to win a Sade CD, doing a feature called “the love triangle” - and giving a very creepy “hello” that got bald headed newsman Dom into a laughing fit. The Sade song Joel cued was “Love Is King” by the way..

Chris (adopts cheesy DJ voice) - Your love IS king, and our music is king so coming up we’ve..
Dom (laughing) - You can’t go into the news like that!
(Chris laughs)

Chris said Joel was such a loser, although admitted that if he thought those tapes were bad (mp3’d to the show from an anonymous source incidentally), then he should check out some of Chris’s old tapes.. even those from Radio 1. Dave said Chris was quite high pitched in the days of the Early Show. Don’t we just know it. Check out the Antique Moyles section of our Sound Vault for pre-Radio 1 Chris memories, and then our 1 From The Archive section or here for full archived early Radio 1 shows by the big man. Joel wasn’t a happy man and will surely have some sort of Moyles clip in return tomorrow. May I recommend the Radio Luxembourg one? (Chris uses his mothers maiden name, Holmes, as a fake surname). Dom was still laughing six minutes into the show due to the creepy “hello”, and Dave and Rach had to leave the studio for the 7am news. Chris and Dom tried to compose themselves:

Dom - We can do this..
Chris (talking to self) - Poor people, poor people, poor people
(Dom starts laughing again)
Chris - Oh, come on!

(A young Moyles in his local radio days)
Despite the funny Joel clips, it wasn’t the greatest radio show of Chris’s career today I must point out - by some margin. Well, put it this way, when the Sam and Mark trail is one of the highlights of the 3 hour show - you know something’s up. In fact the whole thing was kind of summed up by today’s Celebrity Tarzan contestant Danny from Donny - a bit dull. He was a 30 year old car garage sales manager, with er.. well.. not much to say for himself. However we did learn after Paxman esque questioning from Byrne and Vitty that Danny is married, has a sister called Claire, a brother called Rob, prefers marmite to marmalade and has never been to Sweden. “Enterfomation”, as slaphead would say. Chris told Danny to put a bit of life into it, as the critics would be listening in..

Chris - They’re making their mind up tonight, for the Sony Radio Awards..
Dave (interrupting while laughing) - Like Bucks Fizz!
Chris - Yeah, just like Bucks Fizz Dave (laughs). We’re gonna win with references like that..
(Dave and Dom laugh)

Danny guessed the Celebrity Tarzan was Katie Price anyway, which it clearly wasn’t - thus enhancing his stupidity even further. To top it all off, he then put the phone down on Chris before Dave had time to spurt his customary “Byeeeeeeeeeeeee” line. How disrespectful. You’d never catch Chris cutting callers off mid flow. Pah. A clear sign the show is desperately short of material is always when the old “lurgy” game is dragged back from the woodwork, and it was there this morning. As was my favourite ever feature (sarcasm), Rob DJ’s Monday Night Pub Quiz. One question - Just why? I’m in no position to advise the shows producers how to do their jobs but surely this isn’t a Sony Award winning feature? Ugh. Also while I’m on this subject, Rachel - Stop saying the right answer is what Rob’s got down on the paper! IT USUALLY ISN’T!! That is the worst rule ever and she was really irritating me on the quiz today. As for the actual questions and answers themselves:



Callers - Matt from Bedford and Kym from Redditch

1. Who won The Games this year (male and female)?
A. Jade Jones and Javine.

2. If cats are female, what animals are ovine?
A. Sheep.

3. Other than in Horse Racing terms, what is a tote?
A. A handbag.

4. What is the most common pub name in the UK?
A. The Red Lion.

5. What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room and you can enter but not go in?
A. A keyboard

Kym - 4 points and winner
Chris - 3 points
Dave - 3 points
Carrie - 2 points
Matt - 2 points
Dom - 2 points

1st: Christopher Barnaby Moyles - 36 points
2nd: Comedy David Lloyd Vitty - 25 points
3rd: Carrie Horses Davis - 34 points
4th: Dominic No Hair Byrne - 26 points*

*How crap is Dom at the quiz btw?


So.. tis official. Embrace are to sing the Official England World Cup song for Germany 2006. The track, to be recorded next week, is called “World At Your Feet”. Friend of the show Danny McNamara, from Embrace, was on the phone at 8:15 (live and direct from his hotel bed) to explain all. I’m not a big Embrace fan, I like the occasional tune, but he came across really well in the interview. He said the big bosses at the FA had been very impressed with the track, and no - he didn’t take up the challenge of singing it in the hope of getting free World Cup tickets. In fact he’s been told there isn’t any left for the band, although Chris quite rightly said he should issue a “no tickets, no song” ultimatum. Or if not, just go to Frank Lampard for tickets. It’s what everyone else seems to be doing. Chris of course wants to do BV’s, with Wayne Rooney on the rap and Dave Vitty on the drums. Composer credit and all that.

Danny hummed the beat to the tune, which Chris said sounded like the theme to “Think Of A Number” with Johnny Ball. Hmm, target. Danny said he had an idea for the video - replace the players heads on goal clips with that of the band, and the other way round. He wanted Beckham’s head on his body, but Dave seemed to think Shaun Wright-Phillips would be much funnier. Danny also said the word “England” is not in the chorus, or “goals”...

Dave - Free kick?
(Danny laughs)

Some texters were saying Danny sounded a bit like Longman, which resulted in the inevitable Longman call. I do like Longman but this dragged on today. We found out he is making spam t-shirts that could earn him a lawsuit, plus also now selling jacket potatoes instead of tobacco in his shop. Dave said it was an idea the government should get behind him on. Cue the obvious gags:

Longman - As long as it’s not John Two Jags!
(all laugh)


Aaaaaaaandi Peters was on the phone after 9 today, fresh from his two day break in Capetown, South Africa. He had a Guess Who, which took about ten minutes to reveal - but I suppose it was worth it, seen as thought it was Hollywood A-lister Mr Leonardo Di Caprio. Who incidentally declined Andy’s offer to do the show a Celebrity Timecheck. Despite establishing early on in proceedings that the missing man was a famous actor under 40, Dave was still mildly disappointed that it wasn’t Nelson Mandela. Y’know that famous actor under 40. I tell you what though, that would be one hell of an impressive Celebrity Timecheck. Andi and Chris are going for fish and chips, mushy peas and battered cod on Thursday lunchtime. This somehow got onto a discussion about Chris and Andi's phonebooks, and having to keep celebrities names coded in case, for example, the pepperami stole the Moyles phone. Chris’s pseudonyms include Crush (Patsy Kensit), Jordan (Katie Price - wow), All Gone (Pete Tong), Antondick (Ant McPartlin) and for Jo Whiley.. Milf. Looks like the two of them were having fun after ten too, check the webcam folks:

(During Half Time:)
(Dave and Dom are blatantly padding as Chris does technical stuff)
Rachel - While we’re filling, shall we just say hello to Aled...
Dave (interrupting) - Why?
(Dom laughs)


Day 2 and the Sayers tour bus rolls on to sunny Cardiff. Chris was on the line to birthday boy Scott Mills live from the bus, and he sounded a little worse for wear. The time delay and crap mic didn’t help the link, but we found out from Scott that the Southampton auditions went better than expected. His producer Emlyn wouldn’t let him reveal the winner (that’s the tease til 4 folks), but Laura said she was impressed. She was on top of Mills during the interview. Ahem. In the bunk above you understand. g’mornin. Scott revealed somewhat bizarrely he nearly snogged some woman from TV Hits magazine last night, as his drunken antics caught up with him. Rachel became Miss Bossy and said that wasn’t good, and if people want advice about drinking etc go to One Life. Moyles rightly told her to let them have some fun, the mardy arsed cow. She’s obviously got her appraisal soon...

Scott (in Brummie accent, as Rach) - If you’re worried about having fun, go to the One Life website...
(all laugh)

Scott revealed the exact route of the tour bus as it begain its journey - the A33, M3, A34, M4, A48 and A4161. 135.8 miles, 3hrs 30mins approximately to Cardiff. Chris thanked Scott for the travel news..

Scott (signing off cheesily) - Scott Mills, AA Roadwatch..
(all laugh)

The team in the studio also ran through the pics from day one on the One Night With Laura [url=””]mini site[/url]. This one below in particular caught Chris’s eye:

Chris - That fella there on the left there, looks like he should be in jail...
(Dom laughs)
Chris (laughing) - ... he looks like a fine candidate for One Night With Laura!
Dave - Is that Spoony behind them?
Chris (looking) - Erm.. no. (pause) You daft racist, it’s just another black man!
(all laugh)

The Mills Fansite is here:


Todays Traveller was Matthew Brown of Bointon Garf, Driffield, East Yorkshire. Matthew has his own website, and would like to be small enough to drive little steam locomotives. Riiiiight.. *cough*. Loser.


Roy: We found out today he recently sent Chris some beetroot and can’t pronounce the word “aubergine” correctly...

Today’s Score:
SIAN yesterday’s champ who was doing yoga last night 3
EMMA a sales executive for TNT (not the dynamite no Dom) 1

Answers:- Del Boy, Fudge, Tennis, Ketchup
Emma Wins:- A Beep Beep Busters Beach towel!

Golden Round: Sian On The G-Spot
GM - Grant Mitchell
POG - Paul O’Grady
CB - Cilla Black
KH - Katie Holmes
EMBRACE - Embrace


Show Returns: Tomorrow at 7am

Backstage Gossip: Chris’s electrician came round to the Moyles maisonette yesterday. He’s almost finished wiring up the living room, so just three more to go. Chris will be avoiding his home today because the rooms are covered in dust. Dave will be picking up his contact lenses, have some tea (probably chicken salad) and watch the footy. Carrie will be doing the same, after sorting her neck out. Dom is doing the 1245 Newsbeat, Aled’s “ill” and Rachel is exercising and having friends round for tea. How nice.

Tomorrows Review: Night time again folks.

Aaaaaaaaaaand Harry Ramsdens to ya.

TCMS Unedited Monday 18th January, 2021 http[…]