The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
User avatar
By Chris
#242197
Playlist

1: Foo Fighters - DOA, 2: Christina Aguilera - Dirrty, 3: U2 - Beautiful Day, 4: Gwen Stefani - Cool, 5: Les Rhythmes Digitales - Jacques Your Body, 6: Lemar - If There's Any Justice, 7: Stereophonics - Dakota, 8: KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See, 9: Roll Deep - Shake A Leg, 10: Gorillaz - DARE, 11: Travis - Turn, 12: Jamesy P - Nookie, 13: Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell Williams - Drop It Like It's Hot, 14: Freemasons feat. Amanda Wilson - Love On My Mind, 15: The Bravery - An Honest Mistake, 16: Bryan Adams - Run To You (tedious), 17: Kanye West feat. Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger, 18: Starsailor - In The Crossfire, 19: Mylo vs. Miami Sound Machine - Doctor Pressure, 20: Coldplay - Fix you

"Rachel, what's your take on Vaseline?"

The Great North Run preparation continued today, with Chris suggesting that Dave greased his extremities up before he ran (Dave: "I've never bothered with Vaseline before"), and Rachel promising to buy Dave some marathon socks as he hadn't been able to find any in the right size. Dave went on to mention that he was planning to invest in some Imodium to avoid a Paula Radcliffe style crap emergency.

During a discussion about Dave wearing borrowed skimpy cycling shorts to run in:

Dave: "You should never run in anything you haven't run in before"
Dom: "Like the Great North Run"

Later in the show, the theme to the Great North Run (a beautiful 80s semi-Scottish thing that I thought was the theme to "Monarch of the Glen" or something. It's by Mark Knopfler apparently. I'm never sure how to pronounce his name. Dom: "Will Mark Knopfler actually be there?" Dave: "That'd be good actually, he's already got a headband") was played out, along with some messages from the "famous" wishing the runners luck.

By "famous", I mean Dick and Dom, "Kimberleh" from Girls Aloud, some footballer who's sleeping with Michelle Gayle, and Joe Pasquale. And Kelly Holmes, who is actually quite famous, and whose contribution is pertinent in relation to running matters. And Colin and Edith who offered to donate large amounts of money to charity if the runners wear a Northern Ireland top and/or an animal suit. Interestingly, Joe Pasquale and Dame Kelly Holmes gave the same advice about taping up the nipples to avoid rub. Now I come to think of it, you never see Joe Pasquale and Kelly Holmes in the same room, do you...

Eugene also sent a crackly squeaky message, seemingly from "one of those Iraq phones, the low-quality ones" as did the Right Honourable Jimmy Saville, whose phone was also rubbish. I would blame the massive static charge that
must build up around him because of his shellsuit. It's an occupational hazard when you're Jimmy Saville - you're almost a walking electromagnet. Silly Brian Dowling also left a message, further confirming that he is the poor man's Graham Norton, in every respect. And I thought that even before Chris said it, I did it all by myself.

Tubby knitted potentially homosexual astrologer Russell Grant had also sent in a recorded "Good Luck" message which, as a bonus, incorporated some predictions:

Dave: "what, star sign predictions?"
Chris: "no, shoe size predictions"

Rachel was advised to drink lots of water as "the moon is in her sign and it's very liquid". Dave was called "honey", following which Dom suggested that the team follow Russell Grant's lead (which is something I think we
should all consider doing) and continue calling him "honey" for the rest of the show.

Ray Stubbs got wheeled on, like he usually does, and sounded like he was talking from inside a man-sized bread bin. I couldn't understand a chuffin' word the man said. I'm sure I wouldn't have been too interested though, even
if I could have understood him, so that's OK.

How tight is your injury, Rachel?

Chris suggested that any footballers driving an Aston Martin should contact the show and offer their services to give Rachel a little drive around in their flash car. Rachel said that she couldn't make it early in the day as
she was very busy, but that she was going for a massage later on and the footballer could pick her up from there.

Aled picked up on this and asked her how her injury was, and if she was going to get a massage to ease her pain. Rachel started to explain that she was going to get "pummelled" for this very reason, at which point all semi-erotic hell broke loose:

Chris: "Rachel, you do realise that for some reason, lots of men find your
voice attractive, and the thought of you being pummelled will be sending them
wild"
Dave: "There'll be car crashes across the nation"
Chris: "Men crossing their legs in offices up and down the country"
Rachel: "Oh shut up"
Chris: "Go on then, tell us about your injury" (puts on "Our Tune" music)
Rachel: "OK, well on my left leg"
Chris and Dave: "mmmm"
Rachel: "Above my knee, at the back"
Chris and Dave: "Oh, yeah, mm"
Rachel: "I have a bit of tightness"
Chris: "Oh God Rachel, tell me how tight your injury is"
Rachel: "It's very tight, I have a very deep injury"
Chris and Dave: "Oh God, yeah"
Rachel: "So I'm going to get my deep injury pummelled tonight"
Chris and Dave: "Oh, God, Yes, mm (lots of orgasmic noises)"
Aled: "I feel sick"

Hearing Chris and Dave making sex noises together made me feel a bit funny, but funny unhappy, not funny saucy. But it was amusing.

Guess the TV theme tune

Starting with the tune to "Diff'rent Strokes" (blessed with one of the most unnecessary uses of an apostrophe I have ever encountered), the team embarked on a round of "Guess the TV theme tune. Dom got "The Golden Girls", though he thought at first it might be "The Littlest Hobo". Dave got "Mork and Mindy" which I didn't remember. Carrie's tune was "The Fall Guy" but she didn't guess it. Dave knew all the words. But he's old enough to do so. Rachel's was TJ Hooker, but nobody got it.

Car Park Catchphrase

Jimchris (really?) the accountant from Glasgow vs. Stuart the sports massage therapist from Essex (maybe). Car Park Catchphrase is still boring and I didn't really listen to it, for which I apologise. I missed the first catchphrase, but the others were "washing your dirty linen in public" and
"straight from the horse's mouth". Stuart won, and then was slightly amusing by saying "Oh Chris, I've got some advice for you lot running on Sunday..." and then hanging up. Bargain.

Other Things

Carrie pronouncing Frank Lampard as "Frank Laaampaaard" during her 8.30am sports report led to Chris, Dave and Dom jumping in with a range of */Australian (for Carrie's pronunciation could have been interpreted as either)impressions. Funniest was the repeated "Great Shot Shane" in the style of the Aussie cricket team. That also made me laugh every time I heard it during the cricket on telly. Damn it all, I'm even laughing about it now.

Discussion following the Bryan Adams record:

Chris: "If you push your fingers into your face for about 30 seconds and then take them away, you look like Bryan Adams"
Dave: "What, pockmarked?"
Aled: "That's nasty"

Dave finishing his "raaaaaamble" like Louis Armstrong's "Ohhhhh Yeaaah" at the end of "We Have All The Time In The World".

Friday show is up, and Platinum: https://arc[…]

Pubcast live 2020!

I think I’ve done it. New to drop box so let me k[…]

Hello! Long time stalker, first-time typer. I've b[…]

Seems to be back to normal now. Strange!