The TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris

1: Hard-Fi – Hard To Beat, 2: Gorillaz – DARE, 3: Red Hot Chili Peppers – Californication, 4: The Game – Dreams, 5: (bloody) Keane – Somewhere Only We Know, 6: Black Eyed Peas – Don’t Lie, 7: The Killers – Mr Brightside, 8: White Stripes – Doorbell, 9: Girls Aloud – Long Hot Summer, 10: Craig David – All The Way, 11: U2 – Elevation, 12: Gwen Stefani – Cool, 13: Scissor Sisters – Filthy/Gorgeous, 14: Foo Fighters – Everlong (tedious), 15: Kaiser Chiefs – I Predict A Riot, 16: Sean Paul – We Be Burnin’, 17: Freemasons – Love On My Mind, 18: Jamiroquai – Seven Days In Sunny June, 19: KT Tunstall – Suddenly I See, 20: Roll Deep – The Avenue

Reasonably rude, and only marginally amusing

I never listen to Nemone. I find her both too early, and too frightening, to let her in my ears. This morning, it seems, her show featured a “maths debate”. Look how funny that is, no really, it’s funny, ha ha.

Anyway, Chris and the team started the show with various similar innuendoes, inspired by Nemone’s genius. They began with the fairly unfunny suggestion of a feature called “I’d do her” and culminated with a fairly funny wordplay around everyone’s favourite phrase for the lady garden, apart of course from “lady garden” itself – beef curtains. Dominic was audibly amused by the concept of “sausage drapes”. It was rude, but was it funny? Well, sporadically, at best. Boo.


At around 8.30am, Dave suggested that, in preparation for their jaunt to Skegness Butlins, the team ought to warm up with a little light karaoke. And lo, it was funny.

First out of the blocks were Chris and Dominic, who came together in musical synergy for their own special version of Bono and Paul McCartney’s Live 8 “Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. Chris sang his part like Macca had done at Live 8 (i.e. sounding like a high-pitched, sandpaper-throated, middle-aged man being tunefully strangled), and Dom sounded thoroughly embarrassed at covering his idol’s vocal.

Dom was then first to go it alone, with his version of “I’ll Get By With A Little Help From My Friends”. It was beautiful. Dom has a very nice voice, a little bit like a slightly effeminate male A-Level student, singing in the school play that he’s only got himself involved in because he wants to kiss the female lead, in a “Gregory’s Girl” kind of way. I liked it. Especially when he got himself into the chorus too high and had to drop an octave, or whatever it is.

Carrie went in next with Britney Spears’ “Toxic”, which again was very good. It brought to mind images of a general late 20s woman, little bit drunk, Lambrusco in hand, singing away and maybe doing some embarrassing arms-aloft dancing, whilst trying to make seductive eye-contact with the male gym-bunny standing in the corner, who is, of course, gay.

Following this, Dave pulled off a magnificent rendition of Aguilera’s “Beautiful” – slightly emotionless yet tuneful (just like the original – insipid pointy-faced bint), with full pronunciation of all his T’s, English fans. Good use of the “woo-ooahoh” in the chorus.

Rachel, un-seasonally, went for Cliff Richard’s “Mistletoe and Wine”. Having started out perhaps taking the whole thing quite seriously, and doing perfectly well, she then got a bit agitated and unnecessary and over-pronounced everything and sounded like a dad at a barbeque.

Chris went for “Turn” by Travis. Initially sounding for all the world like a quiet Joe *, and nothing at all like Fran Healy (but all the better for it), he then got a bit Lemmy from Motorhead (without the dangly facial warts) at the chorus, and apparently this turned him purple.

Following a text vote, Chris was crowned winner of Breakfast Show karaoke, which makes him favourite for tomorrow night’s live karaoke madness. Rachel and he are going to do Elaine Paige and Barbara Dixon’s classic “I Know Him So Well”. The prize is a pound.

Car Park Catchphrase

Craig from Northampton vs. Chris the “chocolate man” from Dorset, who sounded a bit like Derek from big Brother. Everything is wonderful in the world of chocolate Chris. Ahh.

Craig got “worse for wear” and “the second bite of the cherry” and therefore he won. Go he.

Other Things

Chris in the middle of The Game’s latest dirge: “Is anybody still awake out there?”

A humourless listener texted in to complain about the team “planning” to go to the US to promote the show. He recommended that the team focus more on making the show enjoyable for their UK listeners, to which Chris responded: “Dave Pearce used to do this show – do you want him back? DO YOU? It can be arranged. Do you want Dermot O’Leary on? Do you? No. Shut up you moaning arse.”

Aled on the vote for best karaoke performance: “in silver place, with… second”

Thanks, didn't spot that, show is up

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