chrismoyles.net
- Sun Apr 22, 2001 4:11 pm
#241310
Before the review, I would like to point out that you can now vote on your favourite reviewer in the MoylesWorld poll. So, I urge you to vote for me - Daniel Sheldon, for the following reasons:-
-I have never missed a review
-I provide accurate, detailed reviews (This review is over 2500 words long)
-I rip the best bits (parodies, pranks, etc) to mp3 for your enjoyment
-Please vote for me :)
Chris started the show by commenting on the Dreem Teams terrible timing, they finished their show 2 minutes late. Chris explained that if, for example, you had a record lasting 3:55 mins, you would start it at 2:56 to be on time. Moyles blamed this on their inflating egos and called them skinny, which prompted spoony to call him fat. Boooooo!
After Chris had played the intro, he put on the 'Our Tune/Tone' music on, like he has done before on many sketches which are in the Sound Vault. He read out a made up letter from Spoony, talking about two loonies who followed him around all the time (Mikee B and Timmy Magic). Chris didn't have an ending to this letter so he said that Spoony eventually shot them. There is one record that reminds me of this very special time, and then Chris played Janet Jackson.
At the end of Eminem - My Name Is, as usual, Chris made up names to fill the Slim Shady bit of the song. They were (as said by Chris, Dave and John), Eric Bristoe, Lord Halshome, Les Dennis, Dougy Donely, Chris Lillycrap and Dougy Houser MD (a young trained doctor).
VOTE DANIEL SHELDON!!!!
Moyles did his rather good Dreem Team impression again because they were having a meeting in the opposite studio looking serious. Chris was talking about the boxing match and asked if anybody wanted to come round. Then John offered to use his place to watch the match, so Chris and John had a toss up which John won. Chris announced that there would be a prank call today called sucking diseal. After that, Chris messed about with his new American spitting into a bucket sound effect. Moyles wanted to phone some Americans in todays show, but they got talking about people from New York and how they speak, especially how they say coffee (cuoffee).
The And finaly story in the news at 3:30 was a German ex-popstar who needed an operation but didn't have any money. To get the money he needs, he is going to rent his 20 y/o girlfriend to a fan of his for a year. Chris commented Who'd want to buy our lass? and then made monumental slip up which had me in stitches. He said You can get a hampster for a couple of quid, unintentionally talking about animal sex. When everybody started to laugh at him, he retracted it by saying No, no, no, no, no, not like that.
Chris played the American army song while Dave read out some emails from Americans wanted to be phoned up. Chris said he'd phone up one of them, Tom, who claimed to be a friend of Sara C*x. After playing it, Chris asked what I'm Like a Bird actauly meant and said that Dave is hung like a wasp.
They phoned an American, Tom Chaaun (Chaaun/Tune one of Sara C*xs catchphrases), but got put through to an automated switchboard. Finally, Chris got through to a human being and when Chris asked to be put through to Tom, she asked for a company. Chris put on his hillbilly voice and played his spitting sound effect, after which she hung up on him.
Phonecall #2 was to Amy who had a Mancunian boyfriend, which prompted Chris to comment on why she was going out with somebody from Manchester. He then proceeded to put on his Mancunian accent - we don't all speak like that!! Lizzie sings badly and says she sounds a mermaid, Chris switched off his microphone to tell her what she really sounds like!
Phonecall #3 was to Brad in Florida who, as did 90% of the other Americans, greeted Chris with hiya - the catchphrase is spreading!. Bard said he lived in hicksville, which meant Chris put on his hillybilly accent again to say mouth and foot disease, you won't catch it if you come over here, but you might catch something from Lizzy.
Chris did his bit for those poor celebrities by playing a Jamiroqaui record and talking about the papers who called JK nuts. Chris says that he was probably just drunk, and Dave makes a noise with his fingers and lips to pretend he's nuts.
Chris reads out an email from an american saying you rule!. Chris then rings this american, and puts on an American accent to fool him. Moyles asks him if he has watched the American weakest link and he says he has watched all three. Chris asks him whether he wants to play the weakest link with him now, and he says yes. The normal sound effects are played and the normal questions are asked (Whats the capital of Australia? etc).
Moyles comments that Hannah has been quiet for the past 45 minutes which he blames on the change.
They got talking about mork and mindy for some reason, prompting calls of Target audience. Then were then talking about the Weakest Link with Chris doing his Anne Robinson impression (Oh, so you're a judge are you? Well, you don't know much about cheese do you?. They were talking about how she would cope in America with all the differences in the language (color=colour, etc) and Chris came up with some joke differences like we have humor and they have fat, they have the Backstreet Boys and we have A1. With a slight hint of irony, Chris and Dave said I wonder what it would be like while the dream harp played. It's a piss take! Here's my very rough translation, but since there was only one joke running through the whole thing - details shouldn't be too important.
[Hillbilly Weakest Link]
Hanna (?) as Anne Robinson: Welcome to the Weakest Link, I am Anne Robinson proving just how stupid Americans are. START THE CLOCK!!!!!!!
Chris as Randy from alabama, Ugene, Tiler, Brad and Elvis: all answered the questions incorrectly and didn't bank any money.
Anne Robinson: After that absolutely pathetic round in which you banked absolutely nothing, I would normally ask you to pick the idiot by writing down that persons name
Chris as Ugene: BANK!
Anne: The round is over Ugene. After seeing you trailer trash backstage - I don't think that writing is your thing, so I will pick the idiot. Randy, you are the most stupid man I have ever met, you are the weakest link, gooodbye!
Chris as Randy backstage: Me and my wife have travelled from Alabama to see the Jerry Spring show, it sure looks a lot different when you're up here.
[/Hillbilly Weakest Link]
This was quite an amusing sketch, but it wasn't Moyles best work, neither was it the weakest link in the show! (Start the car)
After playing Eve - Whos That Girl Moyles commented on the stupid little keyboard bit at the start of the song. After that joke was used up, Dave read out an email from an American who ran a coffee bar. Chris rang this coffee bar but they didn't pickup. After Chris gave up trying to phone them, his mobile rang. He said I'll have a Mocca, asked Dave what he wanted (a frappachino) and asked John what he wanted (a cuoffee). When Chris hung up on the caller he said Kylie is becoming a pest.
Chris talked about Johns many (lucrative) voice-overs and he made him do the Tango catchphrase make a pass at her father. After that, the first prank call of the show was played. This was to Lennox Lewis' PA or something, concentrating on the fact that John Culshaw can do the boxing announcers voice. John tried out various nicknames and intros for Lennox to the man on the other end of the phone who figured it was a prank and was slightly amused.
Moyles took the piss of Dave's shirt by calling him safari boy because he wore a khaki shirt (or crappy shirt as Chris dubbed it). john laughed at this comment and Chris said You're no better, Johnny Vaughn shirt wearer.
I NEVER MISS A WEEK..... COME ON
After the earlier disappointment of the cuoffee phone call, Chris phoned Jacob (I think) from yesterdays show. He was very forward yesterday, by saying he'd like to go out with Lizzie (wouldn't everybody :). In honor of this, Chris and the team did a special version of Blind Date - with Chris as the host, Cilla lorra lorra Black, Dave as Darius from Brixton, John as another contestant (probably Teto or Germaine, I forgot) and Jacob as the final contestant. They we're all competiting for the affections of Lizzie, from Southhampton.
Cilla: Now behind this screen we have three lovely fellas trying to get into your knickers, chuck. Lorra lorra loraa, I'm really old
Lizzie: I like food. If I was a food, I would be soup because I'm thick, creamy and hot. If you were a food, what food would you be and why? That question goes to number 3
Jacob: A cucumber, because it's long, cool and ripe in the summer time
Lizzie: I'm Blushing.
Cilla: Next question please Lizzie, we won't ask 1+2 because they are dogs and probably gay (Scott Mills isn't on the team, is he? :)
Lizzie: If we were to go on a date, where would you take me and why? That question goes to number 3
Jacob: I would take you back to my house sugar baby, 'cos I'm sweet like the west
Cilla: He's not doing himself a lorra lorra favours. Now before you make your mind up, heres our Graham.
John Culshaw as Graham: Will it be number three, a cucumber who's soft, strong and very long and wants you to pick him 'cos he's sweet the the west. The choice is yours.
Lizzie: I pick all of them!!
Cilla: You slut!
Lizzie: No, really I pick you cilla
THIS IS A REVIEW - NOT A STAND UP ACT
After playing the excellent record by Christina Agulera, Pink, Mya and Lil' Kim (I like it - I don't know why!), Chris has a go at Hannah asking her if he's heard this record before. He talked about how he is usually approached about playing new records on the show, so he doesn't hear it for the first time when he plays it on air and then slates it.
Chris announced that tomorrows guest will be Alistar McGowan, so Chris tries to stir up some rivalry between him and Culshaw. Moyles puts on his Hell music, thunder sound effects and a very deep voice with echo and pretends to be a very angry John Culshaw. I'm John Culshaw - hear me do DALE WINTON!!!!!. When telling a story about somebody (I forget who), Chris switches off his microphone at certain times. He did this last week - I understand it's Friday and you're running out a material, but just come up with something else!! Later, Chris does another John Culshaw impression - I was doing spitting image when you were TRYING TO FIND YOUR PENIS, boy
After milking it for the whole show, Chris finally played John's 'sucking diesel' call. A disappointment? Not really - it was a pretty good call. One of Johns best ones for ages. It's gonna be in the sound vault soon, but heres a quick rundown of it.
WHOS THE BEST REVIEWER? MEEEEEE!
John as Lennox Lewis: Hi, is Steve Colins there?
Steve Colins (former WBO boxer): Yea
John: Look, I'm still not too sure what music I should have for my walk into the ring
Steve: Something slow, because when you're in the ring, you're not gonna be there long.
John: I'm predicting the match won't last more than 2 rounds. 3 rounds maybe if I wanna play with him for a while. How about using this?
[Superman music plays]
John: this is Superman, what about that?
Steve: Yea, well if you think you can get away with it. There not many people who will get away with it, but you would.
John: Maybe superman might be a bit too bostfull
sucking diseal, steve colins former WBO, chris says its strange, what about this one here?
[A-team music plays]
Steve: Yeah (I can't work out what he said here!)
John: I might have that. Let me just try this one Steve.
[This Morning with Richard and Judy]
John: No, hang on, thats wrong - I was looking for Dr Who. Here it comes.
[Dr In the House music plays]
Steve: (laughs)
John: Oh no, thats Dr in the house, hang on.
[Dr Who music plays]
Steve: Yeah, you could exterminated your opponent
John: Yea, I could walk to this. It's gladatorial enough.
Steve: It's good to see the pre-fight tension and nerves are still there Lennox.
John: Hang on, no, I know what I'm gonna have. This is the one.
[It's a Knockout Music plays]
Steve: Lennox, as you say in Ireland, that music - now you're sucking diesel.
John: (laughs)
Chris: (laughs)
Steve: Thats the one. That's it mate. I'd tell ya - That'd knockout the front row as well as the opponent. Believe me.
John: (laughs)
[It's a Knockout Music plays again]
Steve: That music will kill em all Lennox.
John: So, I'll be sucking diesel if I walk to the ring with this?
John: Well I don't know what sucking diesel means, but if it's good then I'll do it.
Steve: You play that music and you'll find out mate.
John: Thanks Steven, I've always had great respect for you as a fighter and it's be good to ho hook... to see you soon.
Steve: Cheers mate & good look in the DJ business as well.
A good prank call I think you'll agree. Even though Steve sussed it wasn't Lennox - he went along with it and came out with a really good line as well.
When annoucing tonights line up on Radio 1, Chris addresed Pete Tong as 'Peter', Danny Rampling as 'Daniel' and Tim Westwood as 'Timothy'. Chris sang Hello by Lionel Richie (The one with THAT video with the blind woman and the sculpture - classic) over a dance record - Das Glokenspeil, it works as well!
Last line of the show was Up next is Peter Stone Cold Tong, just released from a Texas jail for smuggling dolphins. Good show today - 2 sketches and 2 prank calls. Moyles has been excellent recently and the American phone ups are a breath of fresh air. Long may it continue! Vote Daniel! Vote Daniel!
-I have never missed a review
-I provide accurate, detailed reviews (This review is over 2500 words long)
-I rip the best bits (parodies, pranks, etc) to mp3 for your enjoyment
-Please vote for me :)
Chris started the show by commenting on the Dreem Teams terrible timing, they finished their show 2 minutes late. Chris explained that if, for example, you had a record lasting 3:55 mins, you would start it at 2:56 to be on time. Moyles blamed this on their inflating egos and called them skinny, which prompted spoony to call him fat. Boooooo!
After Chris had played the intro, he put on the 'Our Tune/Tone' music on, like he has done before on many sketches which are in the Sound Vault. He read out a made up letter from Spoony, talking about two loonies who followed him around all the time (Mikee B and Timmy Magic). Chris didn't have an ending to this letter so he said that Spoony eventually shot them. There is one record that reminds me of this very special time, and then Chris played Janet Jackson.
At the end of Eminem - My Name Is, as usual, Chris made up names to fill the Slim Shady bit of the song. They were (as said by Chris, Dave and John), Eric Bristoe, Lord Halshome, Les Dennis, Dougy Donely, Chris Lillycrap and Dougy Houser MD (a young trained doctor).
VOTE DANIEL SHELDON!!!!
Moyles did his rather good Dreem Team impression again because they were having a meeting in the opposite studio looking serious. Chris was talking about the boxing match and asked if anybody wanted to come round. Then John offered to use his place to watch the match, so Chris and John had a toss up which John won. Chris announced that there would be a prank call today called sucking diseal. After that, Chris messed about with his new American spitting into a bucket sound effect. Moyles wanted to phone some Americans in todays show, but they got talking about people from New York and how they speak, especially how they say coffee (cuoffee).
The And finaly story in the news at 3:30 was a German ex-popstar who needed an operation but didn't have any money. To get the money he needs, he is going to rent his 20 y/o girlfriend to a fan of his for a year. Chris commented Who'd want to buy our lass? and then made monumental slip up which had me in stitches. He said You can get a hampster for a couple of quid, unintentionally talking about animal sex. When everybody started to laugh at him, he retracted it by saying No, no, no, no, no, not like that.
Chris played the American army song while Dave read out some emails from Americans wanted to be phoned up. Chris said he'd phone up one of them, Tom, who claimed to be a friend of Sara C*x. After playing it, Chris asked what I'm Like a Bird actauly meant and said that Dave is hung like a wasp.
They phoned an American, Tom Chaaun (Chaaun/Tune one of Sara C*xs catchphrases), but got put through to an automated switchboard. Finally, Chris got through to a human being and when Chris asked to be put through to Tom, she asked for a company. Chris put on his hillbilly voice and played his spitting sound effect, after which she hung up on him.
Phonecall #2 was to Amy who had a Mancunian boyfriend, which prompted Chris to comment on why she was going out with somebody from Manchester. He then proceeded to put on his Mancunian accent - we don't all speak like that!! Lizzie sings badly and says she sounds a mermaid, Chris switched off his microphone to tell her what she really sounds like!
Phonecall #3 was to Brad in Florida who, as did 90% of the other Americans, greeted Chris with hiya - the catchphrase is spreading!. Bard said he lived in hicksville, which meant Chris put on his hillybilly accent again to say mouth and foot disease, you won't catch it if you come over here, but you might catch something from Lizzy.
Chris did his bit for those poor celebrities by playing a Jamiroqaui record and talking about the papers who called JK nuts. Chris says that he was probably just drunk, and Dave makes a noise with his fingers and lips to pretend he's nuts.
Chris reads out an email from an american saying you rule!. Chris then rings this american, and puts on an American accent to fool him. Moyles asks him if he has watched the American weakest link and he says he has watched all three. Chris asks him whether he wants to play the weakest link with him now, and he says yes. The normal sound effects are played and the normal questions are asked (Whats the capital of Australia? etc).
Moyles comments that Hannah has been quiet for the past 45 minutes which he blames on the change.
They got talking about mork and mindy for some reason, prompting calls of Target audience. Then were then talking about the Weakest Link with Chris doing his Anne Robinson impression (Oh, so you're a judge are you? Well, you don't know much about cheese do you?. They were talking about how she would cope in America with all the differences in the language (color=colour, etc) and Chris came up with some joke differences like we have humor and they have fat, they have the Backstreet Boys and we have A1. With a slight hint of irony, Chris and Dave said I wonder what it would be like while the dream harp played. It's a piss take! Here's my very rough translation, but since there was only one joke running through the whole thing - details shouldn't be too important.
[Hillbilly Weakest Link]
Hanna (?) as Anne Robinson: Welcome to the Weakest Link, I am Anne Robinson proving just how stupid Americans are. START THE CLOCK!!!!!!!
Chris as Randy from alabama, Ugene, Tiler, Brad and Elvis: all answered the questions incorrectly and didn't bank any money.
Anne Robinson: After that absolutely pathetic round in which you banked absolutely nothing, I would normally ask you to pick the idiot by writing down that persons name
Chris as Ugene: BANK!
Anne: The round is over Ugene. After seeing you trailer trash backstage - I don't think that writing is your thing, so I will pick the idiot. Randy, you are the most stupid man I have ever met, you are the weakest link, gooodbye!
Chris as Randy backstage: Me and my wife have travelled from Alabama to see the Jerry Spring show, it sure looks a lot different when you're up here.
[/Hillbilly Weakest Link]
This was quite an amusing sketch, but it wasn't Moyles best work, neither was it the weakest link in the show! (Start the car)
After playing Eve - Whos That Girl Moyles commented on the stupid little keyboard bit at the start of the song. After that joke was used up, Dave read out an email from an American who ran a coffee bar. Chris rang this coffee bar but they didn't pickup. After Chris gave up trying to phone them, his mobile rang. He said I'll have a Mocca, asked Dave what he wanted (a frappachino) and asked John what he wanted (a cuoffee). When Chris hung up on the caller he said Kylie is becoming a pest.
Chris talked about Johns many (lucrative) voice-overs and he made him do the Tango catchphrase make a pass at her father. After that, the first prank call of the show was played. This was to Lennox Lewis' PA or something, concentrating on the fact that John Culshaw can do the boxing announcers voice. John tried out various nicknames and intros for Lennox to the man on the other end of the phone who figured it was a prank and was slightly amused.
Moyles took the piss of Dave's shirt by calling him safari boy because he wore a khaki shirt (or crappy shirt as Chris dubbed it). john laughed at this comment and Chris said You're no better, Johnny Vaughn shirt wearer.
I NEVER MISS A WEEK..... COME ON
After the earlier disappointment of the cuoffee phone call, Chris phoned Jacob (I think) from yesterdays show. He was very forward yesterday, by saying he'd like to go out with Lizzie (wouldn't everybody :). In honor of this, Chris and the team did a special version of Blind Date - with Chris as the host, Cilla lorra lorra Black, Dave as Darius from Brixton, John as another contestant (probably Teto or Germaine, I forgot) and Jacob as the final contestant. They we're all competiting for the affections of Lizzie, from Southhampton.
Cilla: Now behind this screen we have three lovely fellas trying to get into your knickers, chuck. Lorra lorra loraa, I'm really old
Lizzie: I like food. If I was a food, I would be soup because I'm thick, creamy and hot. If you were a food, what food would you be and why? That question goes to number 3
Jacob: A cucumber, because it's long, cool and ripe in the summer time
Lizzie: I'm Blushing.
Cilla: Next question please Lizzie, we won't ask 1+2 because they are dogs and probably gay (Scott Mills isn't on the team, is he? :)
Lizzie: If we were to go on a date, where would you take me and why? That question goes to number 3
Jacob: I would take you back to my house sugar baby, 'cos I'm sweet like the west
Cilla: He's not doing himself a lorra lorra favours. Now before you make your mind up, heres our Graham.
John Culshaw as Graham: Will it be number three, a cucumber who's soft, strong and very long and wants you to pick him 'cos he's sweet the the west. The choice is yours.
Lizzie: I pick all of them!!
Cilla: You slut!
Lizzie: No, really I pick you cilla
THIS IS A REVIEW - NOT A STAND UP ACT
After playing the excellent record by Christina Agulera, Pink, Mya and Lil' Kim (I like it - I don't know why!), Chris has a go at Hannah asking her if he's heard this record before. He talked about how he is usually approached about playing new records on the show, so he doesn't hear it for the first time when he plays it on air and then slates it.
Chris announced that tomorrows guest will be Alistar McGowan, so Chris tries to stir up some rivalry between him and Culshaw. Moyles puts on his Hell music, thunder sound effects and a very deep voice with echo and pretends to be a very angry John Culshaw. I'm John Culshaw - hear me do DALE WINTON!!!!!. When telling a story about somebody (I forget who), Chris switches off his microphone at certain times. He did this last week - I understand it's Friday and you're running out a material, but just come up with something else!! Later, Chris does another John Culshaw impression - I was doing spitting image when you were TRYING TO FIND YOUR PENIS, boy
After milking it for the whole show, Chris finally played John's 'sucking diesel' call. A disappointment? Not really - it was a pretty good call. One of Johns best ones for ages. It's gonna be in the sound vault soon, but heres a quick rundown of it.
WHOS THE BEST REVIEWER? MEEEEEE!
John as Lennox Lewis: Hi, is Steve Colins there?
Steve Colins (former WBO boxer): Yea
John: Look, I'm still not too sure what music I should have for my walk into the ring
Steve: Something slow, because when you're in the ring, you're not gonna be there long.
John: I'm predicting the match won't last more than 2 rounds. 3 rounds maybe if I wanna play with him for a while. How about using this?
[Superman music plays]
John: this is Superman, what about that?
Steve: Yea, well if you think you can get away with it. There not many people who will get away with it, but you would.
John: Maybe superman might be a bit too bostfull
sucking diseal, steve colins former WBO, chris says its strange, what about this one here?
[A-team music plays]
Steve: Yeah (I can't work out what he said here!)
John: I might have that. Let me just try this one Steve.
[This Morning with Richard and Judy]
John: No, hang on, thats wrong - I was looking for Dr Who. Here it comes.
[Dr In the House music plays]
Steve: (laughs)
John: Oh no, thats Dr in the house, hang on.
[Dr Who music plays]
Steve: Yeah, you could exterminated your opponent
John: Yea, I could walk to this. It's gladatorial enough.
Steve: It's good to see the pre-fight tension and nerves are still there Lennox.
John: Hang on, no, I know what I'm gonna have. This is the one.
[It's a Knockout Music plays]
Steve: Lennox, as you say in Ireland, that music - now you're sucking diesel.
John: (laughs)
Chris: (laughs)
Steve: Thats the one. That's it mate. I'd tell ya - That'd knockout the front row as well as the opponent. Believe me.
John: (laughs)
[It's a Knockout Music plays again]
Steve: That music will kill em all Lennox.
John: So, I'll be sucking diesel if I walk to the ring with this?
John: Well I don't know what sucking diesel means, but if it's good then I'll do it.
Steve: You play that music and you'll find out mate.
John: Thanks Steven, I've always had great respect for you as a fighter and it's be good to ho hook... to see you soon.
Steve: Cheers mate & good look in the DJ business as well.
A good prank call I think you'll agree. Even though Steve sussed it wasn't Lennox - he went along with it and came out with a really good line as well.
When annoucing tonights line up on Radio 1, Chris addresed Pete Tong as 'Peter', Danny Rampling as 'Daniel' and Tim Westwood as 'Timothy'. Chris sang Hello by Lionel Richie (The one with THAT video with the blind woman and the sculpture - classic) over a dance record - Das Glokenspeil, it works as well!
Last line of the show was Up next is Peter Stone Cold Tong, just released from a Texas jail for smuggling dolphins. Good show today - 2 sketches and 2 prank calls. Moyles has been excellent recently and the American phone ups are a breath of fresh air. Long may it continue! Vote Daniel! Vote Daniel!
- By AndyGibsonTV