The chrismoyles.net TV & Radio Show Reviews
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By Chris
#241305
Hiya people

YAY!!! It's the Easter Holidays for me and I am bored stupid. I should be out at parties getting off with as many people as I can or am I dreaming again, but no I am sitting here doing my review like a good little boy and besides I bet my lass would take a dim view on that. Yay I actually got to hear the whole of the show today and didn't need to come up with any witty ways of fooling my teachers and making them look like the arse's they are!!! I have realised that the first half hour is the best bit too! Ok I'll shut my cute little face and get on with show...

The First link of the show was talking about how when they went running today and that Dave was being a lazy lard arse. They ran for the shortest time yet......round of applause! Will Won and arrived first back at the place where they had to stop their run round the park, Chris came second and Dave came last apparently because he had hurt his leg. Dave used this to suck up to Gym Lady Jane and she fell for it and while Chris and Dave were exercising hard Dave was sitting on a bench relaxing. Next Chris and Dave went to see Lizzie at her FHM photo shoot! Now Lizzie normally dresses like a man, so says Chris and the boys brought back a photo of Lizzie wearing High Heels and a DRESS!!!....kinky. They handed the photo to Will and he said she looked fantastic and was stunned by Lizzie's beauty!!! Lizzie really enjoyed the photo shoot and after weeks of worrying about it she had a really good time!

Next was Chris talking about Lizzie's bitch Rachel plotting Lizzie's downfall now she is a famous glamorous model because she is jealous of her. After Lizzie had left Radio 1 Rachel could have Lizzie's job! Also Chris was talking about Chris Evans and Billie. How apparently Billie had proposed to the ginger tosser. Is she blind or mad?!?!?!?!? Well ok there's one explanation after I turned her down, she must have realised that if she couldn't have a Sex God like me she must go looking for someone who is desperate, well that's what I think...

Next up was Gail Porter being a school teacher in one of the plugs for Radio 1 essentials, help with revision thingies. Chris realised that the little boy who sniggered because he made a joke about * to his biology teacher (Gail Porter) sounded a lot like Will. Chris questioned Will about this but Will denied doing the voice. Then during a song Chris stopped it and told us that Will had just admitted doing the voice!!!! He told us that someone came into the office and asked Chris if he wanted to do it but he said it was ''boring S***'' so they went and asked Will if he wanted to do it and he said yes...

Up next was Chris talking about how is Dad had come down to see him and to get away from ''The Wife''. Chris was saying how he could get his dad to do his ironing and washing..he he he well done Chris!!!!!! His dad went down to the laundrette and got Chris's washing done there. Chris's dad said that Chris could go there to get his washing done, but as Chris's brother pointed out (Kearen) that Chris wouldn't walk up a hill with heavy washing to get there... and who would?!?!

Next up was Chris and the team talking about how they wanted Badeil and skinner to come onto the show because they are very funny!..true! Will suggested that they could get the sofa out of the Live Lounge and put it in the studio. This was a good plan until Chris pointed out that the mics would be higher than the sofa! Lizzie said that they were only funny when sitting on a sofa so in fact the sofa makes them funny...what?!?! a comedy couch?!?!?!

Next they were taking lots of phone calls because they didn't take any yesterday, thses were various people ringing up and going on about how boring their home towns were etc. etc.

Next up was Chris taking the piss out of Dave because he was caught trying to cheat when they were running. Chris was interpreting what goes through Dave's head when he is trying to plan these little things out...

After News Beat Chris was talking to Jonny and new girl Judy. They were singing ''Memories''
and Chris was trying to get Judy to sing Shaggy, but she didn't know the words to it!...where the hell has she been?!?!?

Next up was Um, Chris and the team talking about people with arm pit hair...how nice. he was going on about al types of people having arm pit hair chronic! Apparently Sara H B has it bad... what a nice picture that has given me....

The team started talking about how they wanted Badeil and Skinner on again and Jon Culshaw was in the building so he started well trying to do an impression of David Badeil but it ended up as Ian Hislop... can't have it always now can we Jon.

Next up was the best bit of the show which sent my into hysterics it was seriously the best thing in ages. This 6 foot 6 giant hulking man (not unlike me) who was barred from a gym because he made grunting noises when he worked out. Now when I work out a little noise is ok well the only noise I make is me shouting at all the other people to stop showing off and show me how to lift a 10kg weight, but this man, how shall I put it he screams when he works out, and I mean he screams. The noise was like finding a small (but very fat), balding, Chinese, smelly, ugly, warty, and very horny midget lying in your bed when you are getting ready to hop in it, now imagine this scene, it jumps at you, you try to bolt for the door, it's on your back moving up and down like a dog in heat, your on the floor its licking at your ear and you feel rough sweaty hands moving down your trousers/skirt. Now imagine that, no really do it!!NOW!! you had better imagine it or I shall stop doing these fantastic reviews for you to read..............................Now I think you have found the noise I mean.... he was that funny!!!!! he sounded like Animal from the muppets...

Next was Will doing his League Of Gentlemen impression. What he did was he got some sticky tape and stuck his nose up with it, then he went on the web cam so we could all see it... how thoughtful

Careoke

Careoke was great, as per usual. They were singing to S CLUB 7 - S CLUB PARTY, unfortunately the party was soon over as the police had heard about it, they went and did a drugs bust. They were all completely crap and when the chorus came up I really did want to smash the radio up into tiny pieces, no that wasn't because of there singing I just don't like S Club 7.

And that was about it, apologises to any midgets who read this but if you have any complaints send them to mailto:scott.mills@bbc.co.uk thank you and have a good Easter.

Ben

Um..how many have I done now??...oh screw it
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